


The Avalanche Drops

by HunterByDayWhovianByNight



Series: The Space Between Us [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Is Turning To The Dark Side, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Clone Wars, Gen, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Regret, Reunions, Star Wars: The Clone Wars Season 7 Spoilers, self-destructive thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25430320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterByDayWhovianByNight/pseuds/HunterByDayWhovianByNight
Summary: "We went our separate ways, but within walking distance of one another." ―Patti SmithWhen Anakin and Ahsoka meet again, there's too many things that go unsaid.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Series: The Space Between Us [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756915
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	The Avalanche Drops

**Author's Note:**

> This is sadly delayed, but I have finally written something worth posting! Please enjoy and expect more work soon! This IS part of a series, so I would suggest reading the first installment, [When I Should Just Walk Away, It Grips Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24301912/chapters/58581772%E2%80%9D%20rel=) before this. This whole fic has been (lovingly) beta'd by [BatmanWhoLaughss.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss) Title is from "Avalanche" by Walk the Moon.
> 
> ~Hunter
> 
> P.S.: There is listening material to accompany the reading material! My Anakin + Ahsoka playlist can be found [here!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QSSjUjbqRHqDkGQgkhUTA?si=x98YXdYfTkm7O8uhYWtlnw)

_ I wish things could be normal. _

Those words that had been confided in Anakin so long ago haunted him, no matter how far away from Coruscant he went. Regret filled him like a glass spilling over with water whenever he thought about Ahsoka leaving the Order. To say Anakin was a wreck, physically, mentally, and emotionally, after Ahsoka walked away from the Jedi Order was an understatement. 

Everyone around him, especially Obi-Wan, noticed a definite change in his attitude and behavior. He was quicker to anger, had more of a temper, and undeniably restless. He lashed out more at anyone who happened to be in his line of (verbal) fire, which was unlike him. Anakin may have been impulsive and headstrong before, but it was nothing compared to what he was like now.

The Jedi Council had taken that hope of normalcy away from them and replaced it with uncertainty, doubt, and pain. He was so sure that Ahsoka would return, or that at the very least he would be able to reach her. Everything had turned up nil. He was so much more busy with the war now that he could barely find the time for Padmé, for himself. But whenever he had a stray moment (though they were few and far between) he thought about Ahsoka.

Ahsoka had become his closest friend. The closest thing he’d ever have to a sister. He missed her late-night nonsense, sneaking out of the Temple with her, fighting by her side. When Ahsoka walked away from him and the Order, she left a void in his chest that he seemed unable to fill. 

Anakin didn’t know if Ahsoka ever thought about him anymore. He couldn’t sense her in the Force. He was so used to feeling her presence before she decided to leave the Order and effectively cut her ties to him. He went from feeling her all around him all of the time to nothing at all. He tried to reach out to her but to no avail. There was only radio silence on their bond. 

Ahsoka’s decision to walk away made him feel like a disappointment. The disappointment extended to her, to the Council, to himself. It seemed like no matter what he did, he couldn’t shake the fact that he failed her. Nothing Obi-Wan tried to say to reassure him could ever console him. Ahsoka had said it was her decision alone, and Anakin believed her, but the betraying voice in the back of his head told him that he deserved this. He was never worthy of a Padawan, especially one as talented and exceptional as Ahsoka. This was meant to  _ punish  _ him. How could he not see this all those years ago? 

Anakin never had anything good or happy for long. He let Ahsoka, a young woman who would have been a promising Jedi Knight and a powerful Master in her own right one day, slip through his fingers and fall out of the Jedi Order. And that was on  _ him.  _ His heart ached to think about it. Living with that guilt for the rest of his life would be no easy feat. In truth, Anakin didn’t see a way to live past this. The Order’s shine was dulling for him; there was really no reason to stay now that Ahsoka wasn’t his Padawan and especially now that Padmé was pregnant. He wanted to stay and fight so that this stupid war could end, but a dark part of him wanted to drop everything and walk out the same as Ahsoka. 

Before it became increasingly clear that Ahsoka was gone for good, he had thought so surely that she would return. If she returned, they would be able to forge a new path together after the war and see her become a Knight. When she was by his side, he didn’t feel so afraid because he knew that she had his back, just as he had hers.

He was so worried about her all the time. Before, she was only a hologram or a shout away. If he sensed something wasn’t right or felt inclined to check up on her, he could simply ask. He didn’t realize how much he’d taken that for granted while she was his Padawan. He knew one day she wouldn’t be his Padawan (his Snips, either) anymore but having to let go of her like this was not what he expected. Knowing she was out there all on her own made it worse.

Obi-Wan told him not to worry. “She can take care of herself. She’s been on many missions by herself and defended both herself  _ and  _ those younglings from the Trandoshans. She’s stronger than you think.” That was Obi-Wan’s two credits on the matter. And though a part of Anakin knew he was right, the other part of him still felt like he was responsible for her. After being her guardian and Master for years, he’d naturally become protective of her. He tossed and turned at night worrying about her safety. Was she running with spice smugglers? Criminals? Did she become a bounty hunter like Ventress? Was she with a family, working in their business? Or was she sleeping on the streets every night, starving and exhausted?

It was getting hard to sleep at night or keep focused when all he could think about was whether or not Ahsoka was thriving. She’d gone her whole life being taken care of by the Order and then she was forced to leave ( _ no, she chose to leave _ , Anakin corrected himself) in a split second and then be entirely dependent on herself. He had Obi-Wan’s words in the back of his mind, but the lower levels of Coruscant were rough. Without someone you trusted, it was hard to stay safe down there. Force knows what kind of trouble she’d found herself in by now.

But all that changed when Anakin was standing on the bridge one day when he heard Admiral Yularen shouting at a rogue ship with some obviously amateur pilots on board. They were creating traffic in the lanes heading out of Coruscant, but it wasn’t their reckless flying that caught Anakin’s attention. 

His heart froze. His breath caught in his throat. Every word he knew vacated his mind and all he could think was  _ Ahsoka.  _ It was Ahsoka. Or, at least, someone with a Force signature a hell of a lot like Ahsoka’s. But it couldn’t have been her; she’d cut off their bond when she refused to turn around, peeled his fingers off her arm, and stepped off the grounds of the Temple months ago. But Anakin couldn’t deny that the Force signature belonged to her. He'd only felt it for a moment, but it had to be hers. It  _ had _ to be. Nobody else could stop him dead in his tracks.

He watched the transport ship fly away shakily into the proper lane. “Who was on board that transporter?”

“Oh, just some rookie pilots. Apparently on their first maneuvers. I was just about to send a detachment to arrest them.” Admiral Yularen said it so casually, so plainly. Anakin forgot how non-Force users couldn’t sense when things were suspicious sometimes. Anakin turned away from Admiral Yularen and directed his attention towards the window, where ships and transports and freighters were passing by.  _ Could it really have been her? _ He closed his eyes and inhaled, trying to reach out to her. 

_ You there, Snips? _

He sensed Ahsoka receive his message and recoil in shock. She was clearly taken by surprise in that moment, much like he had been only moments ago. He tried to piece back their bond so he could speak to her again and perhaps even elicit a response from her. 

_ Snips. It’s Anakin. I’m here, _ Anakin said.  _ Where are you? Where are you going? _ She didn’t respond. She was just there, transfixed. But it was her. For the first time in months, Anakin felt reassured. He wanted her to say something back. He ached to know where she was going and how she was faring as of late, but Admiral Yularen snapped him out of it.

“Should I send a detachment, General?” Anakin frowned in disappointment. His focus was gone and Ahsoka was already far out of his range. Before, with their bond, he could’ve held a brief conversation with her through meditation (something they’d done multiple times) but now? Now she was gone. He tried to search for her again but came up short.

“No.” Anakin shook his head. He opened his eyes again, looking blankly ahead of him. “It was nothing.” It hurt to say that Ahsoka was nothing. His heart felt more than a little hollow and was heavy with grief. Getting to feel Ahsoka’s presence again for just a moment almost made her absence worse. He crossed his arms with a frustrated huff and turned, looking out the window again, trying to follow passing ships in and out of his line of sight, but it was fruitless. All he could think of was where she could possibly be headed, and if she was okay.

But Anakin stayed where he was. As much as he wanted to jump into a ship and follow her, something kept him on the bridge. He hung his head and frowned; maybe this was what he deserved. 


End file.
